“I Break Guitars” by Beach Slang I can’t think with all this noise What’s up internet followers? In real life, I’d be polite and let you respond, but I have a good feeling that nothing will be forthcoming. Allow me to get right into the meat of it: Impostor Syndrome. The TL;DR1 is that you feel like you are a fraud who is just waiting to be discovered by someone.
“Goodnight Moon” by Save Ends. Major Lil’ Thunder vibes! Addicted to the booming vocals (like in a church) on the following part: goodnight moon, i miss you. i’ve been looking out our window like we used to. now i’m growing old without you, but i still feel your pull. Alternative title: PBR’s and Guitars! That’s basically been the two dominant things going on in my life so far. The person who I bought the room from left his guitar behind.
Soundtrack One month of the real world done! I’m pretty proud of myself, but my only reward is paying another month’s rent. Regardless of everything I wrote in the past, I am here to stay in San Francisco in the immediate future, at least. Now that a couple big things1 have happened at work, I can talk about what Astranis does, what I do, and all the other factors that changed my mind.
Soundtrack My most recent personal pledge is to never, ever again use the phrase “sorry for the delay but”. It’s an utter waste of time and no one really cares most of the time - just a silly intro to the real meat of the content. With that in mind, I acknowledge I still haven’t really said anything about Astranis or the why, and that’s it. 1 It’s been a busy few weeks for me here.
Well, this is going to be awkward. My last post outlined 65% of the reasons why I was leaving SF and going for my PhD. Trying to write the last 35% turned out to be far more difficult than I thought, so as a lesson for anyone else reading this, make sure you can explain at least 95% of the “why” before telling all your friends and family. The TL;DR: Same company, different job, more excitement, change of mind.
Soundtrack! Welp, after two months out here in the Bay Area, I’m not convinced. I’ve decided to go back and start my PhD this fall, back with Prof Hanumolu at the University of Illinois. It took me way too long to decide, and maybe I did know the answer all along (seems like everyone else did). I think there’s a lot to be said for the air out in the Bay however - calling it toxic would be cruel, but it’s definitely intoxicating.
Lost a great friend today. A man who I looked up to more than I ever told him, which I will regret for the rest of my life. He was a musical virtuoso whose melodies dug into my head and stayed there quite comfortably. It didn’t matter the instrument - guitar, keyboard, trombone, vocals, you name it. He would make a riff sound beautiful and complex yet something you could instantly hum along to.
First off, not a camping person. Yosemite is a famous “one of those things” you need to do, and I got invites spontaneously, so here I am. Very apprehensive (definitely over packed clothing wise) but I had already committed, so let’s go for it. Hoping to get some minor self discovery done while I’m out here; I have big decisions to make and need some guidance, be it self medicated or else how.
Brief timeline update: May 17: Fly from Champaign to Boston May 31: Fly from Boston to San Francisco I’m currently living in downtown SF (Mission area), and working in South Market. It’s honestly been a pretty overwhelming experience so far. I expected some changes to my daily routine, but not this many. Let me just start from the top and work my way on down. Housing First off, I’m staying in a very Hispanic city neighborhood.
// 2011 degree = 0; // 2015 degree++; // 2017 degree++; When you put it like that, it all seems pretty straightforward. Of course, that only reveals half the story - what’s next Brady? My adviser utters those words on a weekly basis. I’m always unsure if it’s the start or end of a conversation with him - sometimes it’s said hopefully, other times disappointedly. Regardless, it’s always the one thought lurking in my mind.