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Paying Off The Happiness bu illuminati hotties. student-loan-core anyone?

I am currently laying back on a recliner on a lanai in Waikoloa Village, Hawaii. I’m knocking back a Kona Longboard bomber in what can only be described as the perfect weather. The sun has long since disappeared, but I can still look down and see the twinkling lights of the custom Disneyland below. It’s a bit cliche to say “wow, I never thought I’d be here”, but that doesn’t even begin to describe it. This, by itself, is just one scene. It would take a room full of monkeys to generate the script to the entire act that got me to this spot.

There’s this bizarre hanging chair in front of me - I honestly thought it was a sex swing. In order to verify this, I googled sex swings1. Thanks to afore mentioned Kona brewing, I didn’t use any incognito mode tips first. Welp, say a prayer for my Amazon recommendations boys and girls. Yeah I know what you’re thinking. If I thought it was a sex swing, why did I have to google “sex swing” huh? Who knows, maybe they have different models and such1. Always need to check.

I’m here for a conference2 and I’ve just realized that I basically got over one of my worst years, kind of magically? For those who don’t follow, I’m terrified of driving. I got in a car crash when I was in elementary school. It took me quite awhile to realize it, but that was surprisingly traumatic for me. Additionally, I think being traffic3 is a literal cancer, but that’s for totally different reasons. Anyways, those factors combined have made driving a no go from me. Just in case you’re wondering, I do have a license and I can drive, I just despite doing so.

But now, I’m in Hawaii. I’ve had to drive a few hours a day to get from Airbnb to conference to sight-seeing location and back each day. I was petrified of this when booking the trip. Of course I wanted to go to Hawaii, who doesn’t! But, by myself, driving across this Big Island4 all alone all week? It made me practically want to vomit thinking about it. I got here, and I just… did it? It’s been so beautiful and fascinating here that I’ve never had time to stop and think and panic. I just drove. The coast is beautiful, the beaches are fantastic, and the mountains are noble. There is simply no time to worry.

This isn’t all good - I’ve realized that I have some pent up teenage emotions inside me. Most people probably get their initial driving highs out when they are teenagers I’d guess. You get in the car by yourself for the first time. Pick you favorite track and crank the music up. Flex on that accelerator. Let American dreams of cruising and controlling5 take over. There exists but one ideal reaction - contagious, borderline hysterical laughter. At least, that’s what happened to me! Roll the windows down and just scream. Scream like no one is listening and no one is watching and no one can hear you, because in this one singular moment holy shit you can in fact control the entire universe starting with the path you take on this one roadway and we are not stopping.

  1. They do. ↩︎

  2. IEEE NSREC, different post. ↩︎

  3. You don’t sit/wait in traffic, you are traffic. ↩︎

  4. I’m on the Big Island, also known as Hawaii, Hawaii. ↩︎

  5. Cruise control is :flag-us: phrase baby. ↩︎