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Posted on 7 mins read

DigitalLung.exe by Hey, Ily

I am brainwashed

But I like it

Buzzing like neon lights under projector skies

Time for a big pivot, depending on who you ask. On paper, it's a massive sharp turn for my career. In reality, it's probably somewhat closer to a formalization. But let's stop dancing around it: last Friday was my first day as the Electrical Integration Lead at Astranis. It wasn't really my last day as the Software Defined Radio Hardware Lead, but the countdown started. Let's talk about why we're doing this. I'm happy to give this talk to (m)any people in person, but it helps to write things down you know?

Why Change?

Well, that's an easy one. Change is always, always good. I have written over and over again just how much I loathe the N+1 the mentality. It's not something I can ever make work for me. I now have an immense respect for people who can do that though - it's a skill! It's a passion! The ability to go in and continuously improve your work and talents is not something everyone has. If you don't improve at all, sure, I'll knock those people. But I'm learning those people are few and farther between than I had originally thought. Instead, I've realized that by always jumping, you are really just truncating your path in life. That's totally cool, but always worth taking a second to imagine what could have been (source).

From Tim Urban's WaitButWhy Twitter

Here's a brief recap of my career so far, when I thought it was good to move, and what I thought I was giving up. I'm deliberately putting the best possible spin on what could have happened for two reasons

  1. Those were good times! I enjoyed what I was doing - I bet things would've continued to go well
  2. Self-esteem issues are not coming with us in 20221

Anyways, brief list:

  1. Master's student, University of Illinois, 2015-2017
    • I pulled the trigger after some serious persuasion. I flip flopped (LINKME), perhaps somewhat loudly, but c'est la vie. My gut feeling was that I was given a once in a lifetime chance and that I owed it to myself to mix it up. I loved Illinois, my group, my adviser, but man, every needs a big shake up. Let's hit it.
    • While it's very doubtful I would've gone on to work at a Big Semiconductor company, I think it's super likely I would stay in the field and keep pushing myself technically for the rest of my career. Designing IC's is still a super amazing and technically thrilling field. I still have project drafts from my grad school time that I keep trying to get into an OpenMPW project!
  2. Hardware Designer, Astranis, 2017-2019
    • I pulled the trigger after feeling some management anxiety and hardware progress. My first couple PCBAs were back and working, which was awesome. My at-the-time manager was trying his best, but the group was too big and struggling. A lot of the management items that were difficult for him were things that I happily jumped on (mostly programmatic work). I had no idea what the other aspects of the job would be like (people management, specifically), but after plotting some of the paths in ours heads, my manager and I agreed to push for a certain split. My best work friend at the time seemed to be doing OK with her new time as a manager, so let's hit it.
    • I don't think I would've stayed as an individual hardware designer for super long. A lot of the things I loved about IC Design didn't carry through to PCBA design. The end result was way cooler than taping out an IC, but the process was a little bit more rote/busy work. ECAD tooling… c'mon, just embarassing how bad it is 2022. Anyways, I probably had another year or two as this role, then I would've seeked either 1) another area of electronics like power or RF, 2) another level up or down the stack2.
  3. SDR Hardware Manager, Astranis, 2019-2022
    • I pulled the trigger when I realized I wasn't super excited about the technical challenges of our next generation product. Not to downplay them - they are real state of the art problems and nearly every engineer would have a difficult yet amazing time working on them. It just… didn't click for me? This isn't an N+1 thing: I actually very much enjoyed the N+1 product my team made, but for some reason the next generation thing just didn't capture my full interest, wish I could say why! They say the sign of a great manager is that when they leave, there is no difference in the team's output. It would be a lie to say we're there completely, but my team has shown they can keep killing it without me numerous times. Lastly… I knew this was a turning point. I had to be either in or out with them. I know I was never able to give them 100% attention with both feet firmly on their side of the split. Continuing to do half-in, half-out would just be wrong. I rolled up what was on my brain every night and I knew it wasn't going to be 100%, so let's hit it.
    • The roadmap is clear, bright, and strong for my team, division, and company. I learned an insane amount about managing in the last year, and I really felt like I was just getting to a point where I could start do it effectively. We still need organized ways of desiging hardware, there's plenty of growth available for us as a group, and god I needed to hire faster. I could easily see myself having a great time with this gig in the current form for up to two more years. After that, I think I'd need a pretty major technological roadmap pivot to keep me, but on the other hand, there's a pretty high chance that would happen!

Ok, But Why Change?

Maybe I'll revise the previous title3 because here's where I really answer the question. Looking at my time Astranis, I am extremely proud of what I accomplished:

  • Early system design in a majority of the spacecraft electronics
  • Solo designing the first software-defined radio prototype
  • Finished integration and environmental testing of our first two radio's
  • No-Title-But-Person-Who-Was-Trusted on so many of the box/subsystem/systems that we integrated/qualified/accepted

See the last point? If you've been following along, you should have some red flags! That sounds like something I already did, so what the heck am I doing here, repeating myself? Here's the deal though. The first three points were painful, but they were my pain. I made the choice to clock in when I did and to push myself to get those ludicrous-on-paper tasks done.

But that last one was actually something quite different. It was watching a group of people that I hired destroy themselves. A group of people who listened to me, trusted me, and went through hell for it. A series of weeks to months to, for some, nearly years now - all that time where you had to check your work calendar or Slack before responding to your friend's text message. A heavy, painful journey that people for people who were always the last one to leave the office. Looking up at a fluorescent light at midnight and asking if this was worth it. It is without a doubt the only part that makes me want to leave Astranis - the fact I brought those people in, left them down and failed to fix it.

I could have doubts. I could leave. But I just want to fix it. I've always wanted to fix it, and now it's my job to fix it. I'm Building A Factory. I'm going to keep my promise and make this a place where you get to change the world at a place you choose. I am not going to let it happen again. For some people, it's too late. I don't blame you at all, it's been exhausting and the track record is 0/N. But for anyone who is on the fence or has doubts, please, give me a chance. I am going to give it everything I have. I promise.

  1. Been watching a lot of Queer Eye on Netflix. Highly recommend! ↩︎

  2. This is what we call foreshadowing ↩︎

  3. This blog is opened in file mode a+; there is zero chance that happens ↩︎